To my dearest in CH

if she didnt ask me to read, i wouldnt have read the post,
friends told me, lectured me, taught me, explaning to me,
but why am i still that stubborn? why am i still not getting what is the point?
why am i still sticking to something that it seems unreal, blur, fog, pointless?
didn't i cried for an answer? didn't i acted so eager to get an answer?
didn't i find out whats the matter?
maybe i was wrong to judge the person that we were judging for previous.
the person who seek attentions everwhere..desperate for something?
maybe i am, but maybe not. for me, you will think that,...that im too young,
dont know how to differentiate the right and to wrong. dont know what i am doing,
but who make the desicion of a boy must has his powerranger and girl must has her barbie?
for me..nothing is more important..i mean..i ll have my limit..i know what im doing..for the certain time, certain area, certain situation..i ll ignore..i ll really ignore..
well, maybe there isnt much time for us to spend together that ended up i chose something you all will not agree with..
im still what i am..i will not know what will gonna happen tomorrow morning,,..all i want is everybody...everyone happy...and for that certain time, i might have done my job, i will disappear, i will be vanished,,..nobody will notice..nobody will think of it..or maybe after a long time..2 years? 5 years? *silly smile. i dont know..
sorry if i disappoint you,..forgive my weakness..forgive me for what i did and done and doing..
but i m still what i am..
i dont want to touch any factors or solutions or deep brainstorming phylosophies..i just want you to know..for the specific time, specific situation..i will get things done. i ll be what i am, because of the strength of my family.
but thanks for being there in the beginning of the sem. thanks for being with me when i was down, when i need somebody to really talk to..when i need somebody to listen to me..i will never forget,..thanks.